A blurring of time

How has September, October AND NOVEMBER already come and gone? Every month feels like I’m a completely different person with completely different tasks and goals. I started typing out this post back in November and now it’s the middle of December??? Thank goodness I already wrote down some pointers for the previous months because my mental cache has already started emptying itself.

September was a big reset for me! I enjoyed some time off and went to Bali, caught up with family, celebrated my birthday, and got in plenty of rest and socialisation. I also went for my biannual dental cleaning! The feel of extra clean teeth thrills me! I spent 4 days 3 nights in Bali with Pk mostly lazing around in the room when I’m not stuffing my face with food. We also met up with our talented artist friend Devlin (check him out at linktr.ee/devlinputra) who brought us out for dinner and played board games with us at the loveliest little board games cafe. I should make a separate blog posts on the food that we had and the games that we played! The itch to draw came by a lot more when I had the space to feel bored too. It’s hard for me to find that balance between working my full-time job and having the mental capacity to work on my art because I only have one physical body and this body needs a lot of rest lol. It’s also difficult to find that creativity when every week is a repeat of the previous one.

October felt a little manic for me though, which was a huge change! Well, at least for the first two weeks. I had very overconfidently taken on two art challenges for the month - Peachtober and Jhawtober, without any prior preparation. Meaning no sketches, no real concepts, nothing. LOL. I had to come up with ideas and execute them each day, on top of showing up for work HAHA. I had to make up for missed prompts on my days off, making like 2-3, even 4 pieces in a single day, just to catch up. I managed to get through 16 prompts for Peachtober and 9 prompts for Jhawtober. 24 pieces of art / 31 days. Not so shabby considering I actually did all that by 18 October. It was basically a huge mess of studio time, teaching, and sleeping. My studio mates and I also stuffed ourselves silly with vadai, dahi puri and pani puri!! I tried dahi puri and pani puri for the first time this month and it was an explosion of flavours, textures and a huge delight! There is magic in this universe and it’s held in a pani puri.

I also started streaming on Twitch again at the end of September! Follow me on Twitch (twitch.tv/itspomy) to get notified when I go live! I used to stream on Twitch way back when in 2017 and then more regularly during the Covid lockdown era. I have been fairly regularly streaming each week through October and now into November. I used to have a lot of anxiety over streaming my art process, but I managed to do so for quite a few pieces in October! It was actually enjoyable to have people watch and comment on the art as it’s being made. The stress of creating something in front of others would have stressed me out so much in the past. Growth! How quietly it comes. Streaming has been a lot of fun for me this time round and it’s a good break from work as well. Socialising with so many people has also been quite lovely! I’ve had old friends pop by and I’ve made new friends along the way too. Although, art-making fell off a little for me once I stopped trying to complete Peachtober and Jhawtober. Maybe next October hahah.

Right now, I’m thinking about making prints, making more stickers and options for an online shop platform. I need to start working on art for the coming holiday season too! Managing the ebb and flow of creativity feels quite challenging, but I’m working on coming up with a routine that’s sustainable and helps me tackle chores and other administrative tasks in order to keep my headspace clear. I also need to find a better way to incorporate my planner into my life! The most difficult part of having a planner or journal for me is that I tend to isolate when feeling overwhelmed, going into what is essentially a freeze state, so there are always periods of blank pages in my notebooks. The more I’m working through this, the less shame washes over me. Learning to accept my highs and my lows has been so scary, upsetting but enlightening and hopeful all at the same time.

I’m always so grateful for the people around me who show me love in so many different forms and who are so special in their own ways!!! Very inspiring to be around!!!

Well, November seriously came and went so quickly. I streamed so much Stardew Valley?? It’s mad. I then started a separate farm for my personal enjoyment and went crazy for about 1-2 weeks just devoting all my energy to the farm. I was OBSESSED. I find that the end of the year feels disorienting and having something to throw myself into really helps. I was planning to pick up streaming again but I kept feeling weirdly under the weather with body aches and a persistent low-grade fever with no other symptoms and ??? November was over LOL.

December was a bit calmer, but I went to SG Comic Con and Mercury Fest on the same day and completely overexerted myself. I ended up feeling like a truck ran me over and my joints were all hurting, especially in my hands??? It was mad. I just stayed in bed and did nothing all day for a few days. The new academic year also started up at work, so it’s been a lot of adjustments and changes. The upcoming public holidays means that a lot of classes have been shuffled around and rescheduled. Keeping up with all the changes is a brain workout for real.

I hope the final quarter of the year has been treating you well and if you’ve been even a bit interested in what I’m up to, thank you!! I’m really looking forward to see how 2025 will unfold. I’m ready with my phone calendar, Hobonichi Techo A6, and Notion!!!!

Lower back strain and book reviews

I strained my lower back earlier this year and I’ve strained my back again! The first time I strained it, I was wearing a pair of structured pants that were so hard to put on and take off. This time, though, I have no clue what could have caused it. My suspicions lie with the non-ideal seating configuration in my classroom but it could be something else entirely.

Anyway, since I was basically laid up in bed all weekend after an intense acupuncture session, I booted up my e-reader (a Kobo Clara - the black and white version, if you’re wondering) and borrowed a bunch of books from OverDrive. So far, I’ve finished 4 books.

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

An insightful book. I really appreciated how Gottlieb gives insight into her practice, her clients’ and her own emotional messes and defenses in a compassionate and real manner. Underlying all these individual stories, there is a sense of how we all struggle with the same feelings of anger, grief, loss, insecurity, shame, fears of growing old, fears of being left behind, etc. The humanness of all of us, in our imperfect nature. She also shares some insights into how therapy works, though to be fair, there’s definitely room for intersectionality.

Rating: 3.5/5

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I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

I love Jennette McCurdy. I love her voice throughout the memoir. She’s self-aware and a little sardonic. I love how she brings us through her life, her struggles with her abusive mother, growing up doing her best to cater to her mother’s whims and fancies, feeling responsible for her mother’s emotional and mental states, and the eating disorder(s) that she was coached into having, and the ones that they evolved into. It does go into detail about eating disorders and sexual abuse.

It verged on a little too much detail for me at times but it wasn’t too indulgent or anything, just discomfiting. it was interesting to read about Jennette’s experience as a child actor in Nickelodeon, on shows that I’ve watched in my teenage years, iCarly and Sam and Cat. I remember my sister watching the spin-off series quite a bit. I never got that into it. I definitely think people who don’t know Jennette McCurdy would also enjoy her memoir, though people who do, might get a little more from it.

Rating: 4/5

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Tender Is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica, translated by Sarah Moses

It’s been a while since I’ve read dystopian fiction. This one explores a future where animals are no longer safe for human consumption and people have turned to sourcing their meat from other humans, or heads, as they call it in the novel. It follows protagonist Marcos as he goes about his life, working at a special meat processing plant. Throughout the book, Marcos comes across mostly resigned to the way his life is after what’s termed The Transition, after the death of his son, his wife leaving him, and his dad suffering from dementia. The book explains the new reality quite plainly and how people come to terms with it by way of cognitive dissonance. The specific language used regarding the special meat is dehumanising and objectifying. As a result, the book was not as difficult to stomach as I’d thought, but I really do suggest checking the trigger warnings first before thinking about picking this book up.

It’s also interesting to read about how Scavengers, people who procure whatever special meat they can get, however they can get it, are juxtaposed with the people who follow all the regulated ways of procuring the special meat. The parallels to the meat industry we have today aren’t missed and in a depressing way, the way women (females) are treated in the story is very similar to what happens today. If you’re looking to find some kind of light at the end of the story tunnel, there isn’t one.

Rating: 3/5

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Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro

A novel about an Artificial Friend (AF) named Klara and how she, a solar-powered companion, is chosen by Josie, a child who’s afflicted by some kind of condition that weakens her. It starts off with Klara in the shop, and how she observes the world and AFs around her. We understand the world through Klara’s perspective and experiences, which felt very limited. There is a little touch of how technology has replaced many humans and taken jobs away, and how tenuous but long-lasting connections can be. It’s an interesting exploration into what makes humans human.

I like how fervent Klara is in her belief, and I like how the other characters Klara interacts with all struggle with their different decisions and Josie’s illness. The ending was bittersweet. It underscores how our relationships to people naturally diverge and how connections that used to seem so strong and intense can fade away. It was a touching story, but I really do wish I could have learnt more about the world the story took place in.

Rating: 4/5

Honestly, I find it hard to share my experiences because I never know how people will understand what I’m trying to put across but I hope these reviews are a little helpful and if you’ve read any of these books, feel free to let me know what you think. What books have you read recently? I would love to pick up more books on OverDrive. Right now, I have Yellowface by R.F. Kuang, Wrong Place Wrong Time by Gillian McAllister, and Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng borrowed. I’m not going to talk about the physical books that I have bought and have yet to unwrap / crack open.

Goodbye, May

How has it been (more than) a month since the yard sale took place?? May just completely eluded me - I fell ill at the end of April and again in the middle of May, and have just been recovering and getting back into the groove of things since then. The yard sale was An Experience, with all the shenanigans that we got up to in making it work.

First, it was challenging and tiring enough to sort through all our belongings, label them and put them out on display. Second, we set up a tarp in the backyard so that we could use the outdoor area to sell our wares, rain or shine, but the tarp literally broke in the early morning due to torrential rain (that continued through the morning). Third, it was tiring to mill around and make sure everything was okay for all the people who came by! Thank goodness for all the friends (old and new) who turned up to help out, make sure we were all hydrated, caffeinated, and well-fed.

We also did not get a group photo together, so this badly photoshopped one will have to suffice!!

Wow, I typed out the rest of the post and lost it. Was I silent or was I SILENCED?!?? Anyway, this post has been sat in my drafts for the longest time and June is now coming to an end! What! This month has been a whirlwind. I’ve been chugging along, tackling my weekly tasks for my day job, preparing for the choir concert (more details here) — rehearsing and cooking up visuals (see the grid here), showing up in many ways, going on a quick day trip to JB with 2/3 fellow studio mates, and it’s been A LOT. I’m only now sitting down (for the second time) to finish this post so I can be rid of this task hanging over my head because I’m on MC for a cold I caught. My brain is soup at this point, but I’m glad I’m getting this post done and I managed to send out a draft for a visual that I honestly thought would never materialise.

The view on the way to the bus stop was so beautiful!!! The early morning glow is so gorgeous.

Kitten in JB.

The number of times I’ve fallen ill just this year alone has me feeling more and more like my body can’t handle too many activities all at once anymore. I’m turning 29 and soon, I’ll be 30! Teenage me would be shocked at how far I’ve come and how long I’ve kept going. I’ve started journalling again after giving up on The Artist’s Way earlier this year. A common theme I keep returning to is the idea of reclaiming all my past selves whom I had worked tirelessly to scrub out and shred. I used to feel a lot of shame over my hotblooded youth, but I miss that part of myself now. I was so unapologetic and impulsive.

I also wrote. A lot. I would tweet non-stop, type up nonsense without a care, and scribble out terrible poetry (actually, some are not half bad). I remember feeling so different from everyone around me and it was difficult to feel seen. My abysmal social skills and strange interests had some part to play in that for sure. There are many things I do regret about past friendships and situations. They could have gone so many ways. Oh well. What else can we do but carry on and persist? Anyway, that’s all to say that I’m glad I am where I am in life, and that despite all my worries and fears, life simply goes on, and I along with it. I hope the first half of 2024 has treated everyone well, and if not, I hope the coming half of the year will be better.

Van